17 April 2010

I Like Your Form

Old dude: I need reference.
Me: What kind of information are you looking for?
Old dude: Reference.
Me: There's a lot of information in the reference section, what do you need?
Old dude: Reference.
Me: [seriously, did someone hit you on the head before you got here?] I can show you the section, but there's different types of books there, like dictionaries and stuff about people and fixing cars.
Old dude: {muttermuttermutter} South Carolina.
Me: You need information on South Carolina?
Old dude: Yes [gives him 'Cities ranked' and as I'm doing this, Creeper sneaks in and Old Dude totters off, happy.]
Creeper: Are you from South Carolina?
Me: No
Creeper: I see you here a lot [WHY, WHY, WHY why do people say stuff like this? You see me here all the time because I WORK HERE, you moron.] I'm from New York City.
Me: Well, I do work here.
Creeper: [leaning closer to me] Oooo, that's nice. I like your form [ok, really?!?!?!? Who still says shit like that? Is that supposed to be flattering? I swear, if you did this to me at a bar, I'd laugh at you. Get. The. Hell. Away. From. Me.]
Me: Did you need help finding anything?
Creeper: Any time a lovely lady is willing to help me, I'll take it [at this point, I'd like to vomit on you right now].
Me: [like I can say anything to that] Since you don't have a specific request, I'll be at my desk [walks away].
Creeper: Ok, baby [I am not your baby, honey, suga', sweetie, darlin', love muffin, snookieookums, or any other lame ass term of endearment you want to call me]

After I went to my desk, he came up to me and TOUCHED my hand, and told me that I was beautiful. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I told him never to touch me again.

His response was to ask me 'what nationality are you?' Fuck you, that's what I am.

The best (???) part of that was that he called the branch three times later that day to ask for me. He also called numerous other times and hung up (oh, I love you, caller id). When he finally got me on the horn, he asked me out. I lit him up one side and down the other and ended the call with "This is a place of business and I work here. Unless you need to speak with me about the library, then do not call me, otherwise, I will contact the security department and they can relay the message to you. Have a nice day." Click.


  1. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ughughugh.

    I hate the creepers!

  2. It just makes me want to douse myself in Purrell. Do you think stalking a chick and making prank phone calls is going to win you points?