27 March 2010

And the FOOL moon ridiculous continues

Other insane shit that's happened today:

-This little boy who doesn't listen decided to call 911. I found out about it because 911 called us (well, me) to say that someone from my location called 911. So, I went running around the library trying to figure out if someone was dead, dying, severely injured, in labor, shot, etc. What I found was this smarmy six year old lurking by the circulation desk, looking at the phone. "That little shit," I thought. I gave him "the look" and he scattered. Sometimes, actions say more than your stupid little words ever will, especially when the kid called 911 again on the way out and they called back... again. Little shit, I'm pulling security footage and putting your face on the bulletin board, then pulling you into my questioning room and calling your mother.
-Girl fight. About ten teenage girls ran in here screaming and demanding to be let into the library. The security guard told them to get out. They refused to listen and proceeded to scream like they were being killed. At that point in time, I wanted rip out my uterus and slam it down on the floor and beat the shit out of it so that I can never, ever get pregnant with something that might turn into THAT.
-You fucking fucktard. YOU ARE IN HERE EVERY SATURDAY. You always ask me for "ten kid's books about [...]." YOU ARE IN HERE EVERY SATURDAY. I show you the section. You look at me stupidly. YOU ARE IN HERE EVERY SATURDAY. I ask you if this is kinda what you're looking for and you look at me with this stupid blank expression on your face. I mean, really? I try to help you out, but at some point in time, wouldn't you kinda start to get a feel for where this shit is? I don't mind helping you out, because it's my job, but when you stand there like Suzy Fucktard, I have to wonder if it's not help you want, but me to just do your damned college reports for you. I guess that's why you stand at my desk like the goddamned dead lice are falling off you and want me to run around and get your shit while I have girl fights, 911 calls, people screaming at me about fines, a little boy wanting to show him how to draw (hi, I can draw stick figures), another person who wants to know what to do because she wants a break, and hoping that I don't piss myself because I drank 40 ounces of Diet Coke for lunch and can't go to the bathroom because you, Miss Preschool Teacher, can't fucking figure out what fucking books about flowers you want to read to some little turd monsters. I guess...
-Scientologists attacked me in the form of needing help with the copier. I was being all nice and then they tried to lure me in with a free book by L. Ron Hubbard. I work in a library, do I need more books in my life?
-Another lady comes in every Saturday and she ALWAYS bitches about the kids on the computers. Today is no different. The thing is, she knows our hours, she knows it's Saturday and the kids come in, she KNOWS. I've told her to call in and get a half an hour computer reservation so that she doesn't have to wait. But, see, that's too easy. It's way too much fun to walk in here and bitch under your breath about the kids and about how they're using "your" computer time and how you just don't know how you'll get your shit done before we close at 6.
-When I went to McDonald's (off library property) I was accosted by a weird man who yelled something at me. I pretended that I needed something off the floor of my car for 5 minutes until he walked away.
-A man insisted that he returned a DVD and that if I didn't take it off his card, it would be because it was some sort of conspiracy against him. Sure.
-I have a substitute security guard in here. He's creepy. He made a joke about sex toys and leered at my chest. Screw you buddy (you wish), you are not coming back to the little lieberry.
-I think that there is a lady in here in a wheelchair that doesn't need to be in a wheelchair. Why? She gets up and scootches her feet and pushes her wheelchair and then rather someone wheeling her along, she moves it with her feet. Ummmmmm... All that I can think of is Ray, from the Trailer Park Boys. Phantom 409 muthafucka.
-Finally (this is an edit from home, after the bubble bath and wine), this guy asks how much time has has left on the computer when it's about 5:47. My response was three minutes, because the computers shut down at ten til the hour. His response (after his 3 minutes are up)? "Lemme get your number here, because I know that you aren't going to give me your cell, are you?" My response? "Branch bookmarks are available at the front desk." Get. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me.

No comments:

Post a Comment