Who would have expected this?

Weird Guy: I need to report my bike stolen.
Me: Ok, what I can do is fill out a security report for you. When did this happen?
WG: About three weeks ago?
Me: Did you tell anyone then or fill out a police report?
WG: No, I'm telling you now.
Me: But, you didn't fill out a police report?
WG: No, uh, see, the bike was mine, but I got it from someone, well, you know how that goes, the guy was pretty shady, and uh, I didn't want to get the police involved.
Me: Uh huh, I see. Ok, well, I get the paperwork from the library filled out and send it to security. What is your name and phone number? [I'm telling him this as I'm typing]. And, was the bike locked.
WG: No, no it wasn't locked. See, I have my new one in the hallway there so I can keep my eyes on it because I know you've got these kids around here that steal. So, you're going to watch the video?
Me: Not me, the security department will and then they will contact you if they see anything. Also, the bike can't stay in the hallway, it's a tripping hazard. I'd recommend you go buy a lock because you can't keep that in here. About what time was the bike stolen?
WG: Ohhh, uhhh, well, the evening. Well, I was here at 3 p.m. So, yeah, around that time?
Me: In the evening or 3 p.m.?
WG: After 3. So, can I get a copy of that?
Me: Well, no, it's an internal document. I recommend that you go to the police station and file a police report and then they'll give you a copy.
WG: So, I can't get a copy of the police report?
Me: This isn't a police report. It's an internal library document.
WG: Let me tell you something about the black community.
Me: [OH GOD, NO, PLEASE DON'T. I've worked in the "black community" for 6 years]
WG: Theft used to be not so common, now, now it's rampant. Black people will steal anything.
Me: [My happy white ass isn't saying A WORD until this jackass finishes}
WG: In the black community, there is no respect. You can't trust people no more.
Me: You know, I've worked in this city for 5 years. And you know what else? It doesn't matter where you are--in suburb x or city y--if you leave something unlocked and sitting out there, it's tempatation for anyone and it's going to get stolen.
WG: Shakes his head and walks away.