DVDs, Sports, and a Crackhead

Me: Are you just returning these? (I always ask JUST for the specific reason which you will soon find out.)
Patron: yes.
Me: {returns shit.}
Patron: Can I have those back?
Me: {internal sigh, because of course, I've already removed the DVDs from the cases for shelving and gotten ready to move on to the next person} Ok, can I see your library card.
Patron: Library card?
Me: Yes, the thing you used to check these out... (I'm such a sarcastic bitch, especially when I have shit to do, especially when I'm stuck at the circ desk)
Patron: {fumbles for card, hands it over, rambles about Madea}
Me: {Checks out materials again}
Patron: I don't want those
Me: But...you just... {sounds incredulous of course, because, WELL, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!}
Patron: I want to renew them.
Me: Well, I thought you were returning them, so I have to recheck them out to you because I took them off your card. It's the same difference really.

The patron ends up leaving the library, muttering something about "this place." Of course, he comes back 5 minutes later to check out three more DVDs.

In the meantime, I was talking to patron about the Tigers winning streak and how the Indians are tanking. So, we talking some sports for a bit. The conversation was going ok until, well, you know that moment when it's just too much? When the person tells you that they were an alcoholic, gambling addict, and a bunch of other shit you just don't need to know while you're playing Suzy Reference or Circulation Clerk? Yeah, that. Because, randomly, the conversation ends with, "well, maybe it's better than crack." Yeah, wait, what?!

As a nice segway into our crackhead of the day story, in walks one, skinny, baggy shorts, her barely there ass cheeks hanging off whatever ass bones you have, no teeth, holding three boxes of cereal. I didn't eat enough for breakfast (cereal, not the crackheads) so my eyes flew to those. Well, that and the fact that I've known crackheads to whip open food and eat shit in weird places in the library (even without teeth, because, honestly, you can gum that shit). She got the eyebrow. She even got more of it when she said, "Do you have any bags?"
Me: I do.
Crackhead: Can I have about.................10?
Me: No.
Crackhead: This is the library, isn't it?
Me: [Oh, you wanna get saucey, drugged up bitch?] It is! And guess what? Our bags are for our materials. So, put down your cereal and please check out something, otherwise, it's ten cents a bag.

Charging crackheads for shit other than crack: that's crackhead repellent right there.