04 May 2010

This game again?

Guy: Why do I have late fees? [Making angry face, waiving around a piece of paper, which is probably his summary of fines slip.
Me: Because you returned our stuff late.
Guy: No, no I did not. Not me. Never. I never return anything late.
Me: [My God, we went through this shit last fucking week. The fines from 2009 are not magically going to fall off your card unless you PAY THEM. With money, not with lunchmeat, or cows, or magic beans]. Well, it looks like you did in 2009.
Guy: But, I have late fees.
Me: Right, because you returned our stuff late. On March 8, 2009, you had three books due, you returned them on March 23, 2009. You are billed for those. Then, you renewed them on March 23, 2009 and they were due on March 31, 2009. You didn't return them until April 2, 2009. You were billed again.
Guy: You can't remember stuff from that long ago.
Me: Who can? That's why we have computers.
Guy: But I returned it.
Me: Yes, you returned them late. In fact, you did that twice, so you are getting billed on March 23, 2009 and then again on April 2, 2009 when you failed to return them on time.
Guy: How do you know that?
Me: [For fuck's sakes, did someone beat you in the head with your cane before you walked in here or are you just that stupid?] The computer tells me, that's how I know.
Guy: Well, do I have to pay it?
Me: Yes.
Guy: This lieberry is stealing my money! I put those in the book drop.
Me: [Blame it on the book drop. The book drop always gets the blame. The book drop is the scapegoat of the library world. What did the damned book drop ever do to you?!?!?!?] I'm not going to argue over this, but I will tell you that when you put things in the book drop, they can't be renewed. So, you had to bring them into the library and have them renewed by a person. Now, you can either pay your fines, or leave.
Guy: Fine, fine, I'll pay, but this is crack. I returned that. Y'all are TAKING MY MONEY.


  1. Your book drop must be the equivalent to our email system. The standard excuse around here is "I emailed that to you". You did? My email comes straight to my phone and I got no such email...

    Excuses are like assholes. THEY ARE STINKY

  2. I would like to apply for the job of beating patrons in the head with a cane as they walk into the library.

  3. Shushie--you're hired. C'mon down!

    pthsmonkey--with the amount of emails people don't get, we should just go back to carrier pigeons.

  4. I love reading your posts. I just graduated with a master's degree in public history and I've worked for 3 years in retail, so I understand your pain. Once my jobless self finds a job, I'll probably be right there with you, blogging about jerk patrons who don't have common sense or any semblance of normalcy. What fun to look forward to.

  5. Best part:

    Guy: You can't remember stuff from that long ago.
    Me: Who can? That's why we have computers.