17 July 2010

A Day in the Life of Library Manager

9:30-9:50 Realize that there is gang graffiti on the computers in the lab. No custodians are in on Saturdays. So, I spend ten minutes with good ol' elbow grease and realize that the shit isn't coming off. Then, I find some extra-strength 'removes all including your skin' stuff. Hey, it removes the finish off the computers too! Bonus: what does "trap" mean?
9:51-9:53 Put toxic stuff back in custodial closet and decide to wash my hands before my skin peels off. Realize I wasted 20 minutes cleaning gang graffiti from various places and that I need to go to payroll.
10:00 Work on payroll stuff. Pretty standard, pretty boring.
11:05 Boy runs into branch with water balloon. There goes productivity. Good thing I had an hour to be productive. Ask kid what is wrong with picture. Kid has to stop and think. The world is doomed.
11:14 Idiot decides to print out porn. I've had it out with this idiot about viewing "offensive" images in the library. Security guard hands me print-outs of "offensive" images and I shred porn freak's hopes and dreams, tell him not to come back to any branch for the rest of the day. Also tell him that he's being charged for the copies. He leaves, looks ashamed. Good. You should be. Fucking pervert.
11:27 Another boy runs into branch. Proclaims that it is hot outside and that he needs water. Proceedes to run to drinking fountain. Runs out of branch with wet head.
11:52 Trying to finish payroll stuff. Little whiney girls asks me how she can watch tv. I suggest she read. She whines that she wants to watch tv. Did I ever mention that I am not a children's librarian? I never was a children's librarian? I am not amused by kids. I don't think they're cute. They annoy me, especially when they want to watch tv in the library. Go. Read. A. Book. I'm. Doing. Payroll. JESUSHCHRIST.
11:54 Because the kid won't shut the hell up, I get up to try to figure out what she wants. I look at her website and I have no clue what she's talking about. I tell her to click around. In the meantime, another kid starts tugging at my pantleg. Really? Is that necessary? What was so important? She HAD to show me her avatar. Did I mention I'm not a children's librarian? I'm a manager. Who has to do payroll. Not a children's person. Manager. Payroll. Money.
12:41 Guy walks into branch with his shirt totally unbuttoned, wearing swimtrunks, an Asian rice hat, a back pack, and asked us if he wanted cheesecake. How would I know. What the hell?!
1:00 Lunch. Thank you, makers of Lean Pockets.
2:00-3:00 Shift and weed fiction. This was a ruse to hide from irritating children. I still heard them and I had tell them to stop hitting each other, screaming, throwing things, touching each other, etc., etc. So, clearly, that didn't work so well. But, I did get the fiction shifted. LIBRARIAN POWER!
3:15ish Weed and re-sticker books. The excitement.
4:43 I told a boy to put away his juice bottle so it woulnd't spill and make a sticky mess. I hate being sticky. I'm always sticky. I don't want to be sticky at work. I suggest putting it in his pockets. He tells me he can't. I ask why? "Because there are cheeseburgers in there."
4:51 Thug looking boy is listening to and singing along with Justin Bieber. I don't even know what to say to that. Justien Bieber is like a cockroach that has genetically mutated so that bug spray can't kill it. 5:00ish The cheeseburger boy and group get bored. They do something wrong, I'm not sure, the guard tells them to head on out for the day. So, what's the normal response? Run out of the library, screaming, swearing, and then throw apples at the building. Something tells me it wasn't cheeseburgers in that little shit's pockets...

Did I ever mention that I am not a children's librarian? I never was a children's librarian? Yeah.

I still say we can blame this on Justin Bieber.


  1. Just because a child is allowed somewhere, does not make that space a fucking playground or daycare. I feel the same way about restaurants, cafes, and museums. I hate the mommy-entitlement attitude that labels me an asshole for being annoyed by these shitrats. "They're kids!" somehow becomes a legitimate excuse for forsaking any lessons on what does and does not constitute as "public behavior."

    (This is @autovatic, btw)

  2. Hi! My first day, I had a woman go postal on me because her fucking "baby" would never ever misbehave in the library. Uh huh. I always invite the parents to come look at their "precious treasures" in undercover mode to see how their little "darlings" act. Parents never take me up on that. Why would they? I called their bluff. They'd see their kids acting like disrespectful monsters. And that would also require effort. And that would be more effort that they put into parenting than they could ever dream. I'm not your kid's parent. I don't give a shit what the hell happens to them once they leave my branch. Go away.

  3. You know, I really LOVE how parents seem to think librarians are like Free! Nannies!

    Your job would make me peel my own eyelids off.

  4. I also am not a kid person or a children's librarian. I like my own children, but honestly, they get on my nerves a lot, too.

    I caught two little tween turds in the stacks the other day karate-chopping each other in the nuts and laughing and generally fucking with the books, so I just stood there and stared at them until they moved. I then proceeded to follow them, and stare them down until they left my domain. In fact, I stared those sorry little fuckers right back down to the Teen Zone, where they belonged - or at least where they were someone else's problem - someone who gets paid to deal with that bullshit. I don't.

    The truly great thing was that I didn't have to say a word. It was awesome. There are times when I totally dig being the haggy old library bitch.

  5. I love giving them the look. I will sit at my desk with 'death glare.' I won't say anything, but will observe with silent disgust for minutes until the little shitrats feel the glare of my irratation boring into their brains. Then, they usually turn around and look at me and realize that I'm just glaring. Sometimes, I don't blink and it freaks them out. Then, they leave. It's great.